Go Be a Light in the Dark

Dear Reader,

Some days you will feel knocked down, but get back up again. I was just reminded recently that though this world is full of pain, heartache, pitfalls, and torrential downpours, you can find an outpouring of love if you just push on a little farther down the path of life. I could live in my grief and build walls out of my pain to keep everyone out, but I'd only be alone in the middle of a fortress of heartache. I would rather take chances and make connections because for all of those that might be severed, there are so many more that might stand firm against the testing of time.

People think that only those that have not suffered think in this way, but Reader, I have suffered countless heartbreaks, survived many deaths, battled my way through many a horrible situation, and I still see so many reasons to be grateful. I will cling to the littlest moments of happiness to get me through the horrors in times of extreme difficulty. That is how I keep on going.

I have been asked many times how I get through everything because it is not a secret to those that know me that I have been through a lot. My solemn vow to myself has been, since eighth grade, to grow to love myself a little more every single day, to look for love anywhere it might be hiding, and to create whatever forms of art that this body will allow as often as I can for as long as I live. I kept that promise to myself and the more I looked for love in the little things, the more I looked for the good in the miniscule, the easier it became to see it all around me. I might have survived a lot of terrible, but I could not have gotten through it if I had thought that the bad was all there was or ever would be. The bad exists and I acknowledge that, but I don't let it rule my life. I deserve better than that and so do you.

I challenge you, Reader, to look for something beautiful today, no matter how small and to let it fill one of the cracks inside you, so that you are a little less empty. I dare you, Reader, to feel the love in my words when I say, you deserve happiness. Go be a light in the dark if you can't find one and watch people flock to you. If you are standing alone in the dark, know that in some way, I am there too, cheering you on.

Peace, light, and love be with you always,

Krista Becker

I Hope Love Will Answer Love

Dear Reader,

I keep wanting to be regular with my blog posts, but I often get caught up in the whirlwind that is my beautiful life and forget to update my blog.

I have been spending as much time with my beautiful family as possible. This includes those who'd be typically labeled as friends because my friends have such deep and profound connections with me that I consider them family. Additionally, I call the animals that live in my home my fur-babies for a reason. I would much rather call myself an interspecies mom than a pet owner. They own me as much as I own them and in truth it's more of a mutual love and respect than an ownership of any kind.

Lately I have had the pleasure of learning a great deal from my husband and my sister, my two best friends on the planet. Our conversations seem to be much more powerful and impacting than the on the surface talks that most people have in the day to day. I am blown away by the two of them and am beyond grateful for our respective connections.

Every work day I have the gift of being able to teach with some of the most thoughtful people I have had the pleasure of working alongside of. I could go on about the incredible people I have the honor of working with for hours if asked. I am constantly being checked on, helped, joked with, and supported. I am very grateful for that.

In my classroom I'm always learning from and working at imparting knowledge to some of the wackiest, most creative, and quirky bunch of kids I could hope to be in charge of. I love spending time with these kids, even if sometimes it means more gray hairs.

Speaking of gray hairs, the older I get, the more physical losses I have had to contend with. Every day, I work at finding my mom and others that have passed on in as many ways as I can. I look for her. I look for them. Not doing so would be far more heartbreaking than having days where making the connection is difficult or impossible because for the days when I am able to find my mom, my brother, my grandma Nina, or Jo, (those who I find most often), I am made much more whole. Yesterday I felt like my mom was whispering in my ear and I made a couple of calls that felt empowering because of her presence in my life. You may not have had the pleasure of knowing these people, Reader, but I would not be the person or the writer I am without them, so you can thank them for this blog.

I am imperfect and blissfully happy. I hope you are too. Thank your flaws for keeping you unique and challenging you to think in new, beautiful ways. If you're struggling to do so, know that somewhere in the universe, on a couch in my basement-living-room, I am rooting for you. I believe in you, Reader, and I hope that you believe in you too!

Send out a wave of love into the universe. Mom always said that energy responds to energy and I believe her. I hope deeply that love will respond to love as well and the more love we pour out, the better this place will be to live in.

<3 With Love,

Krista Becker

It's Been a While

Hello there reader,

It's been a while since I just let myself blog for no real reason at all, but here it goes. Let us see where this takes us. There are a lot of things that I could share, but let me just free-type and see where this blog jumps.

My new job is full of incredible people, staff and students. What a blessing that this job came to me just when I needed it too! Being laid off, snagging that incredible long-term sub position, and then becoming a Falcon, all of this happened in a gorgeous life-changing cycle and I am blessed.

Since my Momma left this plane of existence so many things have come and gone. All I want is to give her a call, so instead I have been writing her letters and talking to the whisper of her I can hear on the breeze. I am thankful that we still have our ways of bridging the gap.

My dear husband who is the very essence of kindness has seen me through so many things, but our schedules prohibit us from being together very often as of late. I've learned how to cope by cleaning, writing, singing, doing things for me, for us, for the animals, and with other people. I am so proud of the man he has become. I honestly believe he can do anything because he has shown me time and again that he is a being unbound by limitation. If he doesn't understand something, he learns how and he is an inspiration.

My beautiful sister, yes sister, some of you might know her as my niece, is taking on the world. Together we carry the moon and we love one another all the way around. No matter how far she travels from me, we're never truly parted. She is seizing the day at college, coming back to her roots some weekends, and just kicking butt at being a human being. I am more myself with her than I am anywhere else in the world. That's why we're never really apart because she carries such a big part of me wherever she goes and she is so much of my heart.

My fur-babies are still filling my universe with laughter and completeness. I have eleven, yes, eleven fur-kiddos. Not a day goes by that I regret the decision to make my home into a partial zoo. They are all worth the cleaning, the vet trips, the shopping for specialty foods, and the numerous other tasks that giving them a home has laid out before me. The dooks, the purrs, the hops, skips, batting of paws, pitter-patter of small tootsies, all of it fills my life with immense amounts of joy.

All around me I have a crew of beautiful souls on weekends, weekdays, and nights, who call me up just to check on me or visit just to say hello, and I am beyond grateful, especially on the rough days. I try to see even the most difficult days as gifts because if all I am is broken, how can I be in so much awe of all the wonderful beings who come into my sphere just for the sake of loving me?

If you want to know the truth, with all of the sorrow in my life, all of the loss that people are constantly asking me how I've survived through, these things still refresh me. Everywhere I look there's a challenge, but I will rise. I have learned through it all to love myself and to forgive myself for my numerous short-comings, so that even when I am all alone with myself, I know I will be okay, but all of these beings enrich my life so much more. From my students to my closest friends, I am blessed to be able to walk this Earth one more day.

Thank you reader, and remember, I believe in you because you deserve to read on. You are a unique and beautiful force in this world.

Love and peace be with you,

Krista Becker

Cutting out Toxicity

I am learning all over again that sometimes you have to cut people out of your life, not because you don't care, but because you love yourself enough to allow yourself happiness and because you're done enabling negative patterns of behavior in others that only bring harm to you / others that you love. This is not a lack of love for the person who is causing destruction, it's a reminder that they need to seek out another path, one of help seeking and healing. I've had to do this before, but it was almost impossible then and it definitely isn't easy now. This process has happened with different people in my life. I will not say that I am without faults. I have many. Still, I approach individuals with love and when it's returned with cold, hard, uncaring sentiments, I must bless them and let them go. 

I write not for them, but for you, reader, who might be struggling with a similar situation or maybe you're the one that someone let go of. If it was toxic on either end of the equation, whether you are the leaver or the one that was left, be thankful for the letting go. These toxic relationships do not benefit anyone and it's better to walk away sooner rather than later. Having to walk away from a relationship does not make you a bad person. In fact, sometimes you have to walk away because you care enough about the other person to admit that the relationship is only causing harm to them. I do not part ways with anyone without some sort of well-wishing or expression of love, yet sometimes we simply must go on separate paths for the greater good of everyone involved. 

When this happens, I start my journey away by spending time with others that I love as much as possible. I take time to reflect on all the beauty in my life and the great things to come. I try not to focus on the negativity that has passed, but allow myself moments of reflection and to grieve the loss because even toxic relationships can leave behind feelings of love and appreciation for the moments when the relationship was not harmful. I immerse myself in nature, in music, in the world of animals, in fantastic movies, in writing, really in anything that brings me joy because I know that I deserve to be happy. I go out more because I love doing social things like bowling and going to see local musicians. I work on me and I work on my relationships with others.

I am sharing this in case you find yourself trying to figure out how to go on after a difficult split of any kind. I'm not talking about romantic splits only, but familial ones and the loss of friendships too. If you don't have a ton of people to spend time with, you should do whatever it is that brings you even the smallest amount of happiness. Allow yourself that hot-fudge sundae, but don't wallow. I work-out when all else fails because I love the way that getting mobile makes me feel.  When I can't go out, I take that time to watch my favorite movies and to cuddle with my animals on the couch. Do what you need to do for you to be able to heal and care about yourself enough to seek out joy.

I know that I am strong enough to deal with loss, but it doesn't make it easy. We are human, so we struggle, but know always that you are never alone. Other people are losing, struggling, battling things we cannot always imagine. Be kind and go forth with positivity. Hopefully you will not have to make cuts of this kind again, but if you do or if you have before, know that you are never alone in the universe. I'll be cheering you on, even if I don't know you or even if you are toxic to me. You deserve to find happiness, health, and to have a wonderful life. 

Peace be with you,

Krista Becker

Teaching YAL- Interview with a Young Adult

Interview with a Young Adult about Young Adult Literature

By Krista Becker

Jalen’s eyes seem to dance.
We’re having a real conversation.
No cellphones, well not really…
Mine’s recording our words.
We’re talking books, speaking language,
We’re having a moment of truth.
I can see into her brain a little bit deeper,
Touch the edges of her soul through conversation.
Her laughter and mine in unison…
Every time that we misfire, with each new mistake.
She is my beautiful niece…
Crimson hair curling off of chestnut roots.
She is young, vibrant…

Has a wrinkle free smile with a dimple in the corner.
She rants…
“If only I could get Veronica Roth to change the ending…
Ahh Allegiant… WHY?”
She raves…
“I completely spazzed out…

Meeting Lorie Halse Anderson?
I’ve read everything she’s written.”

She stumbles on words elegantly,
Even her slip ups are cleverly covered.
She was born in 2000,
Old as the year after May 10…
Fourteen going on 30.
She is wise…
She knows that the world needs to communicate through art,
Understands that there are problems to be solved.
She is literate,
To her, books equal the essence of awesome,
Second only to real life relationships.
She is a poet,
Formed by her love of reading, shaped in part by me.
Now I realize,
I am her ultimate fan,
And I am speaking to my favorite young adult author.

*Note: Maybe some of you will have read Jalen Flaherty's work through the Johnny Green at Weedsport. I am blessed to have had her share some of her more personal pieces with me and she has touched my soul, not just as my niece, but as a young adult author. She was fourteen at the time that I wrote this piece, but is now sixteen and will be off to college soon. I found this piece and thought it would be a great thing to share with you all.

Probably my favorite piece that she's published to the Johnny Green: http://whsjohnnygreen.org/arts-and-entertainment/2016/03/09/its-been-awhile-an-original-poem/

Allow Me to Introduce Myself, Lover of All Who Are

Hello,

I am unsure in what state this blog-post is reaching you. I am also unaware of whether or not I know who you are. Regardless of the facts, you are incredible, simply because you are. I want you to know that your existence is important. We have numerous opportunities simply by being. I hope that love has reached out and touched the very fibers of your being many times throughout your life, but if it hasn't, know that I love you, reader. You are amazingly complex because all living things (even non-living things) are.

Now, I know that if you're cynical, you're thinking, "Oh, I get it, another bleeding heart, tree-hugging, hippy mongrel idiot blathering on about lovey dovey crap AGAIN.". I can assure you, I will write about many topics and I will not avoid writing about my pain, the shared pain of others, and about the hatred that exists in the world. However, I wanted to take a moment to thank you, yes you, even the cynics out there for reading a piece of my work even if, to you, this is just an insignificant part of my larger life's work.

In addition, I want you to grasp how much meaning I give to being and especially to my reader's or listeners. This may find you through the vocal chords of another who stopped doing whatever else they might have done, so that you may hear my words. I want you to know that I appreciate you too, listener. Whoever you are, wherever you are, thank you for lingering with me for a moment's time.

I am just another who lives, who exists in the lines on the page, who thrives in the melodious lyrics of any given song, who ebbs and flows through the leaves in the trees and in the ripples dancing on the edges of any body of water. I am... and in being, am thankful for the opportunities that I have been given. I teach students and advocate as often as possible for those in need of advocation. We are all students, so I teach as often as I can and I also learn from other teachers, like you. You could teach me something and probably already have, just by being a part of the world that I so love.

No matter what state this finds you in, you are worthy because I believe in you. Even if you have done something nameless or have no words to convey your shame, you are worthy because you are capable of completing gargantuan tasks, of loving, of creating, of being many different versions of you. One of those versions is a hero. One of those many yous is a lover, not the kind most think of, but the kind that spreads out love to all who desperately need to be loved, and the kind who cannot help but to give aid simply because love consumes their very being. That is you, as is the you who has made mistakes or has brought great sadness into the world. You deserve to be cared about because you are not the mistakes made, you are simply a being who has made mistakes. You are not the sorrow built, but are one who has dealt out sorrow.

You can be a lover into your deepest depths, but I believe people are not sorrowers at the core. Something tragic normally happens to create sorrowers, to create hate, to create murderers and other monsters out of those who started out as beings capable of greatness. Even after the atrocities, many are still capable of returning to greatness because there is such thing as rehabilitation, which involves a great deal of caring by others and a knowing that we are not inherently evil. If this comes to you, some version of you that is monstrous, you are welcome to come back to the fold of creators and helpers. There are people who are willing to help, who are full of understanding and love, even for you reader. I am one such person. You are not worthless because in your existence is infinite possibility.

However this finds any one person or any group of people, I hope that you will appreciate all beings, for in all of existence, we are infinitely capable.

Thank you and I hope you enjoy this journey with me.

Krista Becker Copyright 2016