Cutting out Toxicity

I am learning all over again that sometimes you have to cut people out of your life, not because you don't care, but because you love yourself enough to allow yourself happiness and because you're done enabling negative patterns of behavior in others that only bring harm to you / others that you love. This is not a lack of love for the person who is causing destruction, it's a reminder that they need to seek out another path, one of help seeking and healing. I've had to do this before, but it was almost impossible then and it definitely isn't easy now. This process has happened with different people in my life. I will not say that I am without faults. I have many. Still, I approach individuals with love and when it's returned with cold, hard, uncaring sentiments, I must bless them and let them go. 

I write not for them, but for you, reader, who might be struggling with a similar situation or maybe you're the one that someone let go of. If it was toxic on either end of the equation, whether you are the leaver or the one that was left, be thankful for the letting go. These toxic relationships do not benefit anyone and it's better to walk away sooner rather than later. Having to walk away from a relationship does not make you a bad person. In fact, sometimes you have to walk away because you care enough about the other person to admit that the relationship is only causing harm to them. I do not part ways with anyone without some sort of well-wishing or expression of love, yet sometimes we simply must go on separate paths for the greater good of everyone involved. 

When this happens, I start my journey away by spending time with others that I love as much as possible. I take time to reflect on all the beauty in my life and the great things to come. I try not to focus on the negativity that has passed, but allow myself moments of reflection and to grieve the loss because even toxic relationships can leave behind feelings of love and appreciation for the moments when the relationship was not harmful. I immerse myself in nature, in music, in the world of animals, in fantastic movies, in writing, really in anything that brings me joy because I know that I deserve to be happy. I go out more because I love doing social things like bowling and going to see local musicians. I work on me and I work on my relationships with others.

I am sharing this in case you find yourself trying to figure out how to go on after a difficult split of any kind. I'm not talking about romantic splits only, but familial ones and the loss of friendships too. If you don't have a ton of people to spend time with, you should do whatever it is that brings you even the smallest amount of happiness. Allow yourself that hot-fudge sundae, but don't wallow. I work-out when all else fails because I love the way that getting mobile makes me feel.  When I can't go out, I take that time to watch my favorite movies and to cuddle with my animals on the couch. Do what you need to do for you to be able to heal and care about yourself enough to seek out joy.

I know that I am strong enough to deal with loss, but it doesn't make it easy. We are human, so we struggle, but know always that you are never alone. Other people are losing, struggling, battling things we cannot always imagine. Be kind and go forth with positivity. Hopefully you will not have to make cuts of this kind again, but if you do or if you have before, know that you are never alone in the universe. I'll be cheering you on, even if I don't know you or even if you are toxic to me. You deserve to find happiness, health, and to have a wonderful life. 

Peace be with you,

Krista Becker